Freeze Now, Conceive Later!

    People say that life begins when one has kids.  Is this true?  Mothers and fathers out there, what do you think? 

    I believe nothing imagined ever matches an actual experience.   How am I supposed to know what it feels like to create something with another person, to have it grow inside me, and to be responsible for its life?  I won’t know unless I give birth.  I may never know.  

    I am pretty sure I do not want kids.  I think the reason I say “pretty sure” versus “sure” is because I still have more time…

    Women have until 34, 35, or late thirties.  I haven’t done the research, but whatever the magic number is, the message is the same- tick tock tick tock.   Men have until forever.  Their concerns are different, like “I don’t want to be a really old dad.”   Their concerns, while valid, are dare I say—not as much of a concern?  It’s harder to be a woman—in general.  

    I do like kids.  And the thought of pushing one out and seeing it’s little face is appealing.   But then I think of the big picture—no time, no sleep, less personal freedom, and financial stability.  Now I am back where I started.  The vision of a baby Elena is fleeting and I am once again pretty sure I don’t want kids. 

    I did my taxes yesterday.  I am getting $8 back.  The guy who did my taxes said, “Now let’s pretend there was a baby Elena in the picture and see how much you would get back.”   $5,000.   After hearing the story, my coworker said, “And you would probably spend $15,000 on the kid.”   The numbers just don’t add up.  

    What do I want?  A life partner?  Yes.   Travel the world?  Yes.   Sleep?  Yes.  A life commitment?  A life partner is enough.   Finances?  I have 2-4 years left in school, depending on whether I become a Registered Nurse or a Physical Therapist.    I have no money now.   

    I am, though, thinking about freezing an egg. 

   The idea came while having coffee with a male friend.  Him and I sparked a conversation with two men sitting next to us.  The three men unanimously agreed that I should freeze an egg.  They said, “You never know, you may get ovarian cancer one day and not even be able to have one.  Freeze now conceive later!” 

   Jerks!  But yeah, if anything, baby Elena may be thawed out one day.  

Haircuts and Colors Throughout Time

Haircuts and Colors Throughout Time:  

Because my hair is getting frumpy and I need help planning my next move. 

    I can't attest to the statement that blondes have more fun.  I liked it red.  Why is deciding between long and short so much harder than deciding whether or not to drink a pint of Guinness in the sun?

Love Me or Leave Me

Like many things in life, my attitude toward work is "Love me or leave me."  If you like me, call me- I will work for you hard and honestly.  If you don't like me, don't call me.  Either way, I'm not going to kiss your ass.

I'm an event bartender at three different places.  I try to keep things simple.  I say how I feel and I mean it.  Perhaps this is a blessing and a curse?  If an employer wants me to be fourth on their list of people to call for an event where they need a bartender, I don't mind sloppy fourths.  However, I do mind when they try to front and act like I'm number one just to ensure that they can keep me around as number four.  I wish they would just be real so I could still find a way to respect them.

I'd say that about 90% of bartending is who you know and not what you know.  I'm ok with that.  It's worked both for me and against me.  Fair enough.  It doesn't mean that bartending is a brain-dead, easy job.  While fun, it is also physically and emotionally draining.  People get annoying when they're drunk.  Don't you?  We all do a little bit.  And the skill of working fast does get easier, but it's not as easy as it looks.  

Moving on to the positive.  Two out of my three event bartending jobs are awesome.  I am trusted, I have flexibility, I love everyone who I work with, and nobody tries to blow steam up my ass.  My bosses tell me exactly how many days a week, or a month that they need me, and they follow through.  I guess it would be too good to be true if all my jobs were like that?

My third job tells me they need me and then tells me they don't.  It doesn't bother me that they seek out other options first.  However, tooling me around all in the name of their own satisfaction is lame.   Telling me (or should I say lying) that they love me so much is even lamer.  I've been working in this industry way too long to be fooled.

Back to my attitude of love me or leave me.  This is how I feel, but my actions- judging by the fact that I still work for this third place- reflects an attitude more like, "I wish I could leave you."  The reality of financial dependency keeps me confined.  It's not like the 90s anymore where finding a job was easy.  In today's world loving two out of my three jobs seems "good enough."  Or is it?

It makes me wonder:  Is this how some people feel about their significant others?  They begin with an attitude of love me or leave me, and develop an attitude of "I think this is good enough."

Do some people feel dependent on their significant others for the sake of just having somebody, or for financial support?  Does society make them feel like there is something wrong with being alone?  Where is the cutoff- 25, 30 or 35?  Is the cutoff a manmade concept and bullshit?  Does everyone actually want to be with their significant others?  

Do some people only love 2/3 of who they are with, like I love 2 out of my 3 jobs, and again, is this "good enough?"  

VERMIN ON THE MOUNT

Come join!-  writers and artists sharing our work- this Saturday Feb. 11!

www.vermin.blogs.com

Where the event will be taking place:

www.3rdspace.co

Me:

Cambodia 2010

California Camping

I got it in me to go on a solo camping trip to meditate and write.  Mission accomplished.  I drove from San Diego to the Mojave Desert, up to Santa Cruz, down to Santa Barbara, and then back home.  But camping is a lot funner with friends.  Next time I'll invite you.